Lessons We Still Haven’t Learned
Cornell.
Although it's not my focus currently, I was a Title IX Officer at a university, and then spent a decade advising other campus Title IX Officers. The reports about the Cornell case are horrifying, and those who caused harm or failed to act when they should have, need to be held accountable. Full stop.
A few things I've learned:
▪️ Attention doesn't always expose prevalence. Tragically, sexual violence on campus is not rare. Which cases make the news depends on many variables (an Ivy League name among them). Regardless, acts of violence persist over decades, and what doesn't change is a culture that too often excuses violence against women - or blames them - and too few systems enforcing accountability.
▪️ Many students enter college unpracticed in capacity and consent. I've watched 19- and 20-year-olds sit before hearing officers, stunned that their conduct = rape. That doesn't excuse it. It tells us education came too late. Prevention practitioners have created lots of accessible resources (search "age appropriate conversations about consent") -- use them.
▪️ Not reporting sexual assault is a legitimate choice. Resolution processes are lengthy, often re-traumatizing, rarely satisfying, and sometimes even unsafe. In hundreds of cases, I've never met a reporting party who wanted the attention that comes with holding a perpetrator accountable. And one's reason for not reporting, or for waiting, doesn't need to make sense to anyone else -- that choice is hers.
▪️ Tricky but true: some of what matters can't be shared by the institution. Privacy laws limit what institutions can say about cases, which is very frustrating to the public. I'm not letting institutions off the hook at all; if systems are not adequately protecting student safety, they need to change. Be outraged, but direct that anger with questions so it lands with effective impact.
What can you do?
→ Find ways to learn. Read Chanel Miller's book "Know My Name."
→ Ask elected officials and university leaders about resources for sexual violence prevention and response and how they measure impact.
→ Give to a survivor fund, or ask your local rape crisis center where volunteers are needed.
→ Most of all, have age-appropriate conversations about boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent (with kids and adults). Ask "How would you handle this?" and make room to practice. Often we freeze in critical moments because we don't have the reps.
It's jarring that there were multiple young men who had the opportunity to interrupt the violence at Cornell (or fill-in-the-blank campus). Rapists can stop rape. Rape culture persists inside a context of cues and systems that all of us can learn to notice and act on.
To those directly affected by sexual violence: you never asked to be part of this community, and these conversations can stir up a lot. Sending you care. And to the practitioners who have dedicated their careers to being a trusted resource, thank you. We need you.
